My Little Gnudren,

It has come! 2022 is here and this year-old Gnu will be really ancient, (fast approaching 100), as are most of you too. From the wonderful annual Christmas missives Mrs. Gnu and I have received we understand that some of you have retired and many are grandparents. Old Gnu sympathises. He has been careless too. Age is something that is honourable in Gnuland. Not so in these parts it seems. But who wants to be young again and lie awake in bed at night worrying about how to get rid of teenage facial pimples? For some Christmas is a joyful but tiresome business. You are in good company. Old Simeon was delighted to be there at the first Christmas, but added that now he’d seen one it was quite enough; even though he didn’t have to write endless Christmas Cards or put up decorations and then sweep up the pine needles obstinately embedded in the carpet. “Lord now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace…”, alas, a sentiment that many have had this Christmas five minutes after they went to visit folks they’re obliged to be with for a courteous length of time. It’s really quite surprising what encouragement you can get out of the Bible if you read it the wrong way.

Talking of old Simeon, Old Gnu is minded of the first grotty little toon he wrote for the singers and instrumentalists at a big church way back in the dark ages (1979). 

It was the first time that drums had ever been introduced in a service at that church. After the premiere of Simeon’s Song there was uproar among some of those who witnessed this crime. Old Gnu was accused of putting his sexual urges into the music and must be stopped from creating further travesty in the worshipping community. Gnu went home that night a bit down in the mouth because his little toon had raised the hackles of some. The next day a nice angel (of male gender) appeared and spoke comfortable words unto the vicar. Gnu was summoned to meet him. The angel was called, Peter (Firth) and he was at the time a religious programmes producer for the BBC and the unit was conveniently just down the road. 

He had been at the service the night before and witnessed the travesty caused and suggested the kind vicar do a service for radio, and please could he have another two toons like the one about Simeon last night. So, Gnu was told to take 4 days off from all other duties and write two more toons. One of them was about “King Kong”, no, no, that should read, “Kings’ Song” – (alas, old Gnu is too full of the Christmas spirit). 

The service was recorded in church at quite short notice and mysteriously, not only did it go out before Christmas on the World Service, but “The King’s Song”, so recently written – the ink wasn’t quite dry yet – went out in a morning slot on BBC Radio 4 Christmas Day. (Ian, thank you for slipping him a fiver! I owe you a few favours, I know.)

Well, a Happy Christmas to you one and all (it’s on the 7th January in Gnuland), and a very Happy New Year to you from Old Gnu and Mrs. Gnu. Thank you for all the Christmas letters. It’s amazing that you are all decent citizens after enduring past traumas at the hands of Old Gnu. He is truly repentant.

Vetus Pater Gnu
Academiae Musicorum et Theologia
Turris LA
III Mensis Ianuarii  MMXXIi