My Little Gnudren,

In these days of uncertainty, when we don’t know where our next packet of toilet rolls will come from, we must beware of fake news.

In the good old days we knew news reporters were telling the truth because they reported from the scene. In those bad days of the Gulf War we wouldn’t have known anything about it unless Kate Adie was there. She was proof that it was true.

Old Gnu could have told you that the “Weapons of Mass Destruction” was fake news because we never got a picture of Kate Adie standing in front of them.

Now consider the following picture:

We know the BBC news correspondent pictured above is telling the truth because, observe:  she is pointing into the background – [no she isn’t shaking her fist] – and you can clearly see that the cabinet is being reshuffled inside 10 Downing Street if you look very carefully through the window. Secondly, please note this is live from 10 Downing Street.

Alas not all news reporting is so truthful. Here is Vicki Young and she is clearly giving us fake news. Old Gnu did some forensic research on these pictures. His shocking findings are that when Reeta Chackrabarti said “over to our correspondent at Westminster”, we were in fact being taken to our correspondent in front of a projected image of Westminster. How can anyone give accurate news if they are not standing in front of the location they are talking about! The caption at the top of the screen, “Westminster Live”, confirms that this is fake news.

Today was no better. When Reeta passed us over to our political correspondent at Westminster, and we got Jonathan Blake talking against the backdrop of another still image of Westminster. How do we know? Well according to the Met Office today we had wind speeds between 6 and 10mph. Yet not one leaf moved in the backdrop behind Mr. Blake. Once again we are being presented with fake news!

But while fake news is dragging us all downhill in the UK, there may be some good news for the residents of the United States. Our American neighbours ought to be aware that if in the couple of weeks there is an unprecedented shortage of disinfectants, bleach and emitters of ultraviolet light, then be assured that there may no longer be such a shortage of toilet paper.

Vetus Pater Gnu  – Adhuc et in cincinno
Academiae Musicorum et Theologia
Turris LA
XXIV Mensis Aprilis MMXX